Kasi Babae Ka: The Shackles that Daughters Were Born With

ARTICLE: KATRINA VALERIO | JANUARY 31, 2024.

As my brother grows older, I can’t help but compare the way my parents treated me while I was his age. This isn’t something that I’m holding against my family, but the stark differences of how I grew up as their daughter compared to how they treat my brother is evident in our daily lives. My brother isn’t expected to do chores around the house while when I was his age, I was expected to do domestic chores and watch over my toddler brother.

A study from InnerDrive UK shows that parents treat their daughters differently compared to how they treat their sons, shedding light on the plights of daughters in family dynamics. It begs the question: how does this disparity affect daughters?

I tried to steer away from the “woe is me” mindset and reject the notion that daughters have it worse than sons, but when the obvious is apparent to you every single day, it affects how I view myself. I have this voice inside my head that says “Kung ‘di ikaw, sino?” whenever I find myself dreading doing the chores forced upon me. It feels like I don’t have the right to pause and focus on my endeavors.

Even when I was under the hellest of my life, I told my parents that I’d be busy, but they still asked “Anong maluluto mo next week?”

It feels as if I have to prioritize taking care of my family first before aspiring things on my own. I know that my parents want the best for me, but I can’t focus on the crucial things in my professional and academic life if I were to be tied down with domestic chores.

Marian, a lone daughter in a household of two sons and boy cousins says “I do feel this sense of responsibility that isn't forced as much as compared to my brothers and cousins. Especially when it comes to household responsibilities, it seems as if I have to catch all their lapses because I'm the girl anyway.”

Though often unspoken, the sexist and conservative labors fall onto the shoulders of women simply because they are women—they are expected to assume duties in the household.

Juliana, another only daughter in a household of two sons shared, “Daughters have it worse than sons because my brothers just simply live and when I want to do the things that they can without any hindrance it always comes down to ‘kasi babae ka.’”

Even today, misogyny still lives in our households, affecting family dynamics and development of kids. The notion of daughters being tasked with house responsibilities almost suggests that women automatically fall into the role of responsibility because of their gender.

“Even as a woman in my 20s, I immediately caught on to the idea of the dislike, as if it's become embedded in my womanhood that we're rarely welcomed with open arms only until some point,” Marian shared.

Many people still dread having daughters since they can’t bear the family name or they deem women to do less than what men can do for the family. Yet, there’s still that notion that ties daughters to stay at home—whether it be from a protective standpoint or a controlling one to make sure they’re doing their obligated tasks.

“These dynamics affected me in a way that I fought back against everyone who controls or tries to provoke my freedom. May seem aggressive but maybe that has become my defense mechanism to experience fair treatment,” Juliana explained

When daughters experience unfairness just because they’re girls, that leaves a mark on who they are. Even as young kids at impressionable ages, the societal standard already daunts them.

True enough, the quote “mothers love their sons and raise their daughters” rings true. Daughters are molded to carry on the burdens of responsibilities that are tied by society to womanhood.

Women are the minority in this society since we were born in this world with not as many privileges as men. Sadly, this has translated into kids, in daughters. These inequalities should be recognized, not to boost sibling rivalry, but to give daughters a family that is not laced with misogyny.