Hokey pokey real-life stories: Confessions from kids and parents on digital safety issues

ARTICLE: HEMMADY S. MORA | FEBRUARY 9, 2024.

(Disclaimer: The names of individuals in this article have been changed to protect their privacy.)

Hickory Dickory job order

Mrs. Leila Martinez, a teacher for more than 15 years and a mother to her 16-year-old son Carlos, has been very supportive of her son’s feats when it comes to language education. However, after Carlos introduced her to his online friend, she had this dilemma as to whether she should encourage Carlos to sustain this friendship or warn him to stop.

It was a warm sunny weekend and Mrs. Martinez was going through her class records when Carlos called her attention. “Ma, I would like you to meet my Chinese friend from Mainland China, please say hi to him!” exclaimed Carlos.

Caught off guard, she anxiously waved her hand at the elderly man on the computer screen who was saying hello to her. Mrs. Martinez got quite confused because she was expecting a younger online friend, not a Chinese man in his late 40s. When Carlos ended the conversation, she inquired as to what went on between him and his friend.

“My Mandarin teacher told me that the best way to master the language is to befriend a native speaker. I followed her advice and had an interesting chat with Mr. Aries (his English name) via ‘Hello Talk,’ a language-learning app and, also a social media platform. He asked for my ‘WeChat’ account and that is where he made the offer. I simply translate his business correspondences from Mandarin to English then I get paid per document for around 10 pesos equivalent to our money. The financial transaction was done from ‘WeChat’ to ‘PayPal.’ I’m happy because I get to earn somehow, while I’m learning. Please don’t see this as something negative because I have improved much in speaking and writing Mandarin,” explained Carlos.

Mrs. Martinez could not say anything to her son after hearing his plea. However, she honestly felt that something was off. She confided that, even after years of contemplating her son’s experience, she honestly felt that legislation is needed to protect the digital welfare and safety of minors.

She has asked media and information literacy (MIL) experts if his son’s case could be considered a form of “online child labor” or “online economic exploitation” but did not receive a definite answer. Up to now, she is still looking for answers.

Humpty Dumpty cyber fall

Prof. Joanna Dumlao, a Media Information Literacy (MIL) teacher for around five years never thought she would have her 11-year-old daughter’s social media experiences serve as an example of her advocacy for digital safety.

After a webinar lecture one afternoon, Prof. Dumlao noticed that her daughter was listening intently to her explanations online. “Mommy, can I share something with you about your lectures,” she whispered.

“Go ahead Natasha,” she answered.

“I heard you lecture about online bullying, online grooming, and inappropriate content for kids on social media. I want you to know that I experienced them all. I mean, you won’t see me troubled or mentally shaken because I followed your advice. I practically ignored them all but somehow, I have to admit that I was also affected,” Natasha admitted.

“So can you share all your stories with me? ‘Cuz Mom’s here to listen and help,” Joanna replied.

“Well, in my desperation to get many likes for my TikTok stuff, I entertained chats, and guess what, some of them insulted me and even wrote bad words. I even have a screenshot of their foul statements. Some attempted to bully me and my artwork. They were so harsh and rude, so I never spoke to them again. Another told me he thinks I’m pretty and that he likes me. I think he’s lying about his age. He said he was 14 but I felt like he was older so I never answered him back. Thanks to you Mommy, I followed all your instructions so I can protect myself online,” narrated Natasha.

“Good girl!” Joanna exclaimed. “But not all Moms and Dads know how to guide their kids. Tell you what, I’ll help the parents and you go help Humpty Dumpty from taking a cyber fall. I mean all the Humpty Dumpty’s out there—your friends who are also hooked on social media!”

Natasha laughed at her Mom’s joke, but she knew she was right!

Eensy Weensy socmed tales

The following are real-life experiences of four ‘millennial’ Filipino mothers and one father with their ‘Alpha-Gen’ kids. The first is an employee in a shipment company on a work-from-home (WFH) arrangement; the second is a call center agent; the third is a full-time housewife; the fourth is a store manager, and the last is a service crew member. Two of them are single moms.

Jaz and the WFH beanstalk

Jaz is a millennial mom with three alpha-gen kids. During the pandemic, due to economic needs, she agreed to continue working for her shipment company on a WFH arrangement. She had no one to look after her three kids. Gadgets became sort of a beanstalk solution that backfired on her.

Jaz’s Reflections:

During the COVID-19 crisis, I was too busy working from home. The best way for me to be left undisturbed by my kids was to keep them busy. This is why I allowed them to use gadgets and watch their stuff on social media while I was working. I am guilty of using these gadgets as a form of pacifier for my kids so I would be left undisturbed.

As a result, my children were heavily exposed to gadgets and I saw that the effect on them was delayed speech. When I enrolled my four-year-old child in kindergarten, I had to tell the teacher that he couldn’t talk yet and that he had to be taught how to speak.

After the pandemic, I enrolled my son in a basketball clinic near our place to limit his screen time. I bought the other son who loved drawing a sketchpad to keep him busy. For the youngest, I acquired pet puppies for him to play with to lessen screen time and train him to be responsible.

I could not blame social media and I don’t think it would be ideal to eliminate its use since my kids are also using them for school. What is needed is parental monitoring and regulation to make sure that they do not stray from their rightful purpose. I learned this from attending a MIL parenting webinar.

Ali Papa and the socmed thief

Ali and his wife are both working. They have a four-year-old daughter who is left to a relative when they are at work. In order to keep her inside the house, she was always left with her tablet watching her favorite kiddie cartoons and social media favorites all day long. Ali realized one day that much had been stolen from them because of this.

Papa Ali’s Reflections:

It is not easy leaving our child to a relative, considering that I and my wife are both working. To keep her busy, we thought it would be best to let her use her tablet for educational purposes.

However, one day, I was alarmed because I noticed that each time I talked to her, while she was holding her gadget, she was not listening. She also didn’t care about what I said and she would often ignore me. Also, every time I tried to grab the gadget from her hand, she would throw tantrums and would not stop crying. We realized that she had developed screen dependency disorder because she had been holding it every day without any time limit and we were guilty of letting the device serve as her pacifier.

Getting educated on parenting digital natives, I realized how it becomes necessary nowadays to cope with trends in this digital world. It only takes one tap and our children can virtually visit the other side of the world. We have come so far when it comes to communication technology, however, we have not considered the rising consequences. I even had some parent friends who created social media accounts for their very young children, not being mindful of the dangers.

My wife and I later realized that kids still need to play outside and socialize. They should not be confined inside the house left with gadgets all day long as this is not in any way good for their psychosocial well-being.

The Midas touch…screen

Elaine is a millennial mom with a four-year-old boy who still drinks milk through bottle-feeding. His son is already enrolled in a nursery school. After having observed the effects of social media stuff and the overuse of gadgets on her son, she has become more cautious and protective. She realized that even toddlers nowadays are very good at navigating online with the ease of a touchscreen tablet. The effect on kids is somewhat like a Midas touch as they literally forget everything and freeze.

Elaine’s Reflections:

My four-year-old son, during bottle feeding, often stops and forgets to consume his milk when watching CoComelon and other YouTube favorites. One time, I just noticed that he was unable to drink his milk at all, fully engrossed by his social media stuff. That was when I realized that the kid’s health is at stake when we don’t control his gadget use. I tried to find ways also to become media literate to protect my boy. I learned that engaging them more in art and social activities is helpful so I bought him coloring books, crayons, and also other toys that he could play with other kids.

I’m glad my son’s teacher keeps him and his classmates busy with physical activities while enjoying learning. These also serve to limit the kids’ screen time. Sometimes I even wonder why they are more attentive and compliant with the requirements of their teachers than us parents. They tend to follow them with no complaints and tantrums.

At home, if I want to bond and spend time with my son, I need to ask him to put down his gadget so we can play his favorite games. I know for sure that when he touches his tablet, he will just again be like a frozen statue in a corner.

Rapunzel’s online tower

Helen, as a working mom noticed that something was wrong with her nine-year-old daughter. She grew up with gadgets and social media readily accessible, but she was barely interactive and hardly listened to her, especially when holding a mobile phone or tablet. Even while eating, she could not put her mobile phone down. Her eye health is already affected as she would not stop using her gadget even with the lights off. Helen realized she simply had to move her out of ‘Rapunzel’s Online Tower.’

Helen’s Reflections:

In order to protect my child, I realized that, first and foremost, I had to be a media- and information-literate parent myself. So my first intervention is that during days when she had no classes, I would bring her to her cousin’s place so she could play with them. I would also bond with her when I have time and budget by bringing her with me to the mall or marketplace. This way, she will be in touch more with the real environment. I have also thought of enrolling her in a summer fast food crew workshop because there, she will be trained to socialize and become more responsible.

I have to admit that at first, I did not know how to limit my daughter’s screen time. It came to a point where it was harder for her to establish good sleeping habits and yet she would often argue and beg for more viewing time for her social media stuff. It was then that I realized that my role as a parent is to regulate her screen time or her health and well-being as a growing kid will be compromised. These are essential in ensuring the digital wellness of our alpha-gen children!

Alice in online land

Amanda realized that she is in competition with social media when it comes to her 12-year-old daughter’s attention. She also found out that the online world is like a wonderland for kids. There is much to learn, explore, and discover, and kids tend to lie to cover up their guilt in accessing inappropriate content. She believes that digital wellness is not about prohibition or restriction but about trust and establishing a good parent-child relationship.

Amanda’s Reflections:

We have to teach our kids to trust us so that they would not hesitate to share what they are experiencing over social media and refrain from hiding things that we need to know about them. We also need to devote more time to them, to make them understand why we need to restrict their use of social media.

I am glad that my daughter would often ask me if the information she picked up from social media is true or not. This means that I, as her mother, should also know the right answer, otherwise, both of us would become disinformation victims.

Also, I believe that a greater strategy for limiting her online entertainment would be to divert her attention to something else that captivates her creative interests. I now consider enrolling my daughter in guitar lessons for a more healthy recreation

===================================================

Protect your kids online:

• Teach them the importance of keeping personal information private.
  
• Make sure they understand that people online may not always be who they say they are.
  
• Establish online boundaries, such as not chatting with strangers or accepting friend requests from unknown people.
  
• Teach them about the dangers of sending or receiving explicit photos or videos.
  
• Encourage them to listen to their feelings. If something or someone online makes them uncomfortable or scared, they should stop the interaction and tell a trusted adult.
  
• Teach them how to report inappropriate online behavior on social media platforms, on gaming platforms, and to local law enforcement.
  
• Teach them to respect others online and not to bully or tease other children on social media or any other platform with messaging capabilities.
  
• If a child approaches you looking for help, let your child know you’re there to support and help them, not to judge or shame them. Never tell the child that the abuse is their fault.
  

(Source: Child Fund Alliance, Talking to Young People About Online Safety, Web Safe and Wise)

===================================================

This article was produced under the #WebSafeandWise Media Fellowship by Probe Media Foundation Inc. (PMFI) and ChildFund Philippines. The views and opinions expressed in this piece are not necessarily those of PMFI and ChildFund Philippines.