I know you don’t think about me but I think about you all the time

WORDS: RAFAELA ABUCEJO | DECEMBER 10, 2023

On some nights, I like to try so hard to remember what it was like on our normal days but I find it a little complex. What was our favorite lunch again? I think it was adobo—mom’s cooking, to be exact. I think we also enjoyed the occasional avocado with milk as a dessert, but I’m no longer fond of it nowadays.

People say, when you eat distinct flavors, you tend to remember distinct memories, but I don’t seem to have that ability. Maybe that’s why I hate eating avocados now, all I can taste is its pungent bitterness. It doesn’t help me reach you closer.

We outgrew many things over the years. It almost feels like those times when we would play with pouring water from the shower and try to catch every sputter, only to see them falling out of our measly grip. Sometimes, it feels that way remembering. All these recurring glints of certain events in my head slip away easily when I’m only about to hug each thought.

Maybe those experiences are on the verge of being beyond recognition to me, but I wanted to let you know that there is one thing that we can still try to understand together.

In my endless attempts to discover you once again, the questions that I keep stumbling upon lead me to one clarity: our shared experience when it comes to loving. I know you must feel so different but trust me when I say there’s no harm in being different.

Everyone is different and it goes beyond the way we snap our head back from too much laughter, how our physical attributes make us recognizable, and even our memories (or lack thereof) that deepen our inner growth. Our differences lie in our truest of hearts, and we use that to make a lasting impression on the world.

I think about you all the time because I also know that you’re struggling to crack the code to things that you feel. I tried my best to become a little subtle as I know you haven’t figured it all out yet. But I want you to know that we will, eventually. It’s okay to feel like we can’t talk about girls with our girlfriends because, give it a few more years, you’ll be able to shout to the world how much you love a girl and they can’t stop you—not even yourself.

This life is one big discovery of the many ways we love. And I’m pretty sure it will be a long one for us because I’m learning every day—just as much as you are.