FEATURE

A “no” is a “no”: A guide

to children safety

BY ALYSSA BAUTISTA | NOVEMBER 07, 2023

Two letters, one word. Clue, it's definitely not a yes, and far from a maybe.

To a child’s ear, it is not at all unfamiliar to be hearing the word “no.” Throughout infancy to toddler years, it is probably the most worn out term used by adults around kids to get them to behave—kind of like a default reflex at this point. And we get it—children are fragile. But apart from all the negative connotations surrounding the term, this might come as a surprise to both parties, because teaching your kid the power of resistance and saying no might actually come in handy and save them in difficult situations.

Saving the word ‘no’

Saving the word ‘no’ for emergencies is the key to keeping your child safe. Naturally, the expression is frequently used for restricting certain behaviors, but you know that the more you reinforce and limit people’s actions, the more instances they will try to go against it, right?

If used too often, the word ‘no’ can lose its meaning, and people, especially children, become immune to it. So when the time comes that their consent is badly needed, chances are they might not take it seriously. Kids need to understand that saying no is also part of their choice and not just a definite negative answer that restrains them from doing whatever they please.

It helps them learn how to make better choices and develop critical thinking skills. Instead of hearing what they cannot do, teaching them that it is okay to say ‘no’ would make them realize that they are capable of deciding what they will tolerate or not.

Especially during an emergency, a solid ‘No!’ could be just the right thing.

‘No’ in giving in to pressure

“To say yes is to agree. To say no is to disagree.”

More often than not, a majority of people do not know how to read the room and think that any answer in between the lines of yes or no automatically means yes. And as alarming as it sounds, that makes it the leading reason behind the continuous increase of sexual abuse cases involving not only minors but those of all ages, worldwide. From 2021-2022 data of Women and Child Protection Units revealed that 72% of child abuse cases are sexual assault cases, climbing up to 6,600 just last year alone.

For them, all the little phrases such as “I don’t want to” or “not right now” mean the same thing as “alright” and “okay.” Because of this, it is not at all surprising how many times sexual predators use the same excuse of being “unsure” of what the victim meant when they say any other thing if not the word 'no'.

At some point, society has also made it seem okay to believe that saying “I don’t want to” or “not right now” makes it any less convincing and not enough of a reason. But the truth is, it is; and it is more than enough.

‘No’ in keeping secrets

There is nothing more exciting to a child than being told to keep a secret. It’s like giving them their first taste of responsibility, which comes with a high of a thrilling experience.

While what may seem as a mild and innocent example of a white lie, such as "Don't tell your mom and dad I bought you candies," the intent of withholding information may confuse a child’s sense of loyalty and may result in them stacking something big and serious.

When children get accustomed to doing this, they might think that keeping secrets is normal between a parent and a child’s relationship, or even with their guardians. It could start from a small and harmless information, and overtime, it could also become a gateway to certain abuses and other major issues that go untackled. This behavior might also cause them to hesitate to ask for help after being shielded by the false comfort of never having to have an open communication line.

Encourage your child to share and create a safe environment for them to vent their feelings. After all, there is no shame in feeling vulnerable!

‘No’ in the context of violence

In every context, no matter how you look at things, it is and will always be unjust to resort to violence; among children, and with children. With them being the most susceptible to harm, it is crucial for parents and responsible adults to be involved with what is going on with their kids, including searching for signs of whether or not they are being bullied or if they are the ones displaying bullying tendencies.

With the Philippines topping the list of 70 countries in terms of bullying as per the 2023 data of Program for International Student Assessment (PISA), children who are exposed to violence can be stunted not only physically but emotionally and socially as well. In some cases, it could even lead to serious depression and attempted suicide, with 2,147 cases recorded by the Department of Education (DepEd) during the Academic Year 2021-2022.

Advocating to say ‘no’ to violence, teaches a child not to submit to any form of intimidation or domination; while also teaching them not to view abuse positively as the solution to most problems.

Saying ‘no’ to a temporary perceived superiority could save them from falling into major problems later in life, such as being involved in criminal activity, which can greatly affect their future professional and personal relationships.

Although saying ‘no’ seems to be easy-peasy with its one syllable two-letter word, it appears as though people really have a hard time discerning its depths and bearing the weight it holds. Hence, starting them young will instill this concept in their minds; and if used the right way, with the right intention and tone, maybe a ‘no’ would not sound as bad and boundaries would no longer mean “cross me”. Because unless stated otherwise, a ‘no is still a no!’